STRUGGLES, MEMORIES, WISHES…

Soon it will be three months since the heart has been buried, and since then the soul never stopped weeping, the mind became too afraid to see the light. Together they were in an endless vigil, never even thought about the end of it. For quite some time the soul would go into a short journey, in desperate need for an option, yet still bringing the baggage from the recent past. And eventually, he would go back to where it all started, go on with the vigil while the mind slept in disturbing silence, in hope for memories to fade. But restlessly he dreamt of images from the heart and chose never to sleep again…

DREAM:
On a Friday night after months of inconsistent depression, unwillingness to get up for work and numerous sleepless nights, I quickly turned my computer off at exactly 6:00 pm and headed to the elevator. It had been raining hard since yesterday and I had some new DVDs for the weekend. Typical Friday night it would definitely be, a movie with myself and a pint of chocolate ice cream and two frozen fudgee barrs.

I was briskly walking along the Dela Rosa walkway, trying to beat my regular 7-minute walk from Enterprise Centre to Landmark Pasig-FX terminal. I hate it when it rains so hard with the wind blowing to my direction. I really need to replace my old Vans shoes because I could already feel the water through my socks.

Three minutes and I was in front of Powerbooks Greenbelt, as usual bustling with employees on their way home. I manuevered my way into the crowd and when I got past Landmark's entrance, the way started to clear up. 4 minutes, 58 seconds. I know I can beat my own record, maybe a 5.5.

So I sprinted with my backpack jumping behind me. Few steps before reaching the stairs down to the parking lot when suddenly my viewing angle changed. I saw things from worm's eyeview but it didn't last long. I gathered all my strength to get up, ignoring the hands that were trying to reach out for me. I knew I should never wear these shoes when raining! The soles were smooth from over usage.

(more…)

Salsaton Class

For anyone interested in taking up Latin Hiphop/Reggaeton/Salsa, here's some info from my mail inbox:

Imagine dancing salsa with reggaeton music! Blend hip hop with
salsa! Grupo Filipino Salsa offers four sessions (4 Saturdays) of
workshop dancing salsa with hip hop breaks. The workshop is preceded
with a facilitated group dancing latin hip hop, followed by a step-
by-step guide on how to dance salsa appropriately with reggaeton
music. Facilitated group dancing starts at 5:30 and salsaton
instructions start at 5:45 pm. 50% discount awaits those who will
register before or during the orientation on August 26, 2006. 75%
discount will be given to couples (must be of opposite sex).

Contact Person
Name: Ares Andres
Phone Number: 523-8265 to 66
E-mail: grupofilipinosalsa@yahoo.com

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Grabe!!! I'm advertising the group… I just really enjoyed the sessions so I hope you guys would also find it interesting. The people are great too…

Attention: SAMANTHA ECHAVEZ! Sign up this time so we could have new moves when we go clubbing.

Sick…

This isn't exactly a good composition but I'm sick when I did this!

Anyways, I wasn't able to go to work (again! 2 consecutive days since yesterday.) For some reason, I always have trouble falling asleep at night and when I wake up in the morning, I feel like all the energy have been sucked out of me. I don't know if it's because I dread going to bed because the next thing that I would do is to wake up and get ready for work, waste another 8 hours doing nothing really productive and challenging with earphones permanently glued to either side of my head, drowning myself with the same playlist.

The sun's finally out but the weather remains quite cool which is really ideal for running. But here I am… stuck in the house with numb limbs, eyes half-shut, tummy in revolt, head feeling like being unmercifully pounded, mind going crazy with all thoughts of him…

Yesterday, I tried getting some sleep before running at 5pm, hoping for the throbbing headache to go away. Few minutes before 5, I was feeling quite ok. After a kilometer, my tummy was already dragging me to the bathroom. I had nothing to throw up but a few spoonfuls of pistachio ice cream (the egg sandwich I had for breakfast and lunch had been definitely digested 5 hours ago.) It was so disappointing! I haven't run in a track since last Saturday and the Red Cross run is already next Sunday. I walked the second kilometer and tried running slow on the next two. That was the worst feeling… I didn't want to push myself too hard or I might not be able to run good when I need to.

I think I was dehydrated (cuz I rarely drink water when I'm at work,) hungry (had two egg sandwiches for breakfast and lunch and hadn't eaten much for the past few days cuz I didn't have the appetite,) and depressed (a monthly recurrence which I'm still trying to work on.)

As much as I would like to go for a run today, I might as well stay here and hope to be better by the end of the day. Oh, it's Salsa night tomorrow! Yeehee! Now, that's something to look forward to…

What’s new today?

 
Bored as I am, I’m still proud of what I’ve done so far for Gift Foundation’s 2005 annual report. Haha! See it’S green too!!! I think I got the digital mock-up wrong though. The inner cover page looks like the inside back of the book. Anyways, I hope you get the idea…

And Powerbooks having a sale again so bought myself a book yesterday! Just one of those feel-good, girly books that I can finish in less than a week and keeps me up most of the night… ROSSIE DUNNE by CECILIA AHERN. I have her first novel, P.S. I Love You and it’s such a page turner. I just started reading last night but I’m already on page 103. This 21-year old Irish girl is really talented. I wish I could write like her—light yet witty. I even like her better than Sophie Kinsella (Shopaholic Series.) Can't wait to go home… Oh, crap, do I have to stay late at work? Well, at least a new book can keep me happy… (although honestly I feel worse than having my bum roasted…I can't stand the office!)

I’d rather eat…

I can't sleep, as usual. Everyday, I try to stay awake at work and tell myself that I'm just gonna have a quick dinner, rest for a while when I get home then off to bed at 9. But I always find myself doing something and before I know it, it's almost 11pm…Like now.

Anyways, nobody's leaving any comments in my Xanga blog 'cuz only members can do (which sucks.) So sometimes, I resort to reading featured blogs' comments instead.

I still don't understand why these white girls are obsessing about being stick thin. I'm not being a hypocrite here 'cuz I won't deny that I'm trying to lose weight. Well, that's because I was technically fat and I think I still am. 5 months ago, my body fat percentage was taken and it was 27.4%. Ideal body fat for a woman my age and height should be around 18-25%. So I have every reason to work out to burn fats and build more body mass. But that doesn't mean I have to take less than 200 calories a day (Kellog's for breakfast and none for the rest of the day) and still do 500 crunches and leg raises.

I used to love Lindsay Lohan during her Freaky Friday, Mean Girls and Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen years. I think she was hot and never thought she was fat at all. I'd kill for a figure like hers. But look at her now, and Nicole, they look so gross! I know this is mean to say, but they look like white Ethiopians. There are people who literally starve to death because they simply have nothing, but these white people who got the money just choose to hate food.

And comments given to these anorexic girls were usually of encouragement and gratefulness (for what?! for having someone who would die with you eventually?) I don't know who started the mentality that skinny is beautiful… I simply hate him/her.

I'm not bitter because I know I'll never be that skinny and I never want to. I can't say that I'm contented with how I look but I know what I want. I want to BE healthy, to look and feel healthy. I want to be fit enough to run a full marathon and confident enough to strut in a cute bikini sans annoying flabs. I don't want to be a live skeletal model for 3rd graders!

I love food, I love eating and I love exercising. And that's should be life!